Ok…here it goes

Andrew…Done.

Evan….Done.

New guy named Dylan…Done.

Ok with all of that being said. I am exactly what the end of what all of those sentences say…done. On the flip side I am ready. Ready for the best. I am ready for the unexpected. I am ready to do stuff for me. I am ready. I am ready for 2014 more than I feel I should. I am ready for a flip in the page. I mean a lot of new stuff will happen in this year….I’ll be a junior (of course after Spring), I’ll have an apartment, I’ll look for a job in Florence, I’ll be paying “big girl” bills, I am ready. So bring it on because I am ready to not be disappointed or sad—of course I will have my days but I am DONE with it. I am ready to be happy. After all they don’t call these the best years of your life for nothing, right? :) So bring it on! I’m ready!


Bar

Friday we went to the bar and well nothing really to say there…it was boring. But Saturday I went to the bar and there was an AMAZING band this time! Any song that is country they would play it. Anyways me and Dawson’s ex girlfriend snap chatted Evan and said come to the bar…well shoot I didn’t think he would come but he did. I pretended like I didn’t know he was there and he came up to me and gave me a hug and said hi and I acted surprised and asked why he was here and he said everyone’s hooking up at the house and whatnot and wanted to go out. I said gotcha and just danced with the girls and had fun. Well us girls danced on the stage and had a blast and I turned around a couple of times and Evan was literally watching us but again I pretended like I didn’t notice because I feel  like he should grow a pair and talk to me first since he’s the one that kissed me first and just kinda left me hanging….so anyways I am doing my thing and us girls get down from the bar stage and we were just talking in a circle figuring out what we wanted to do since they wanted to get more to drink from the car. And while we were talking I guess I had my back away from Evan and Jennifer is like Evan is looking and talking about you because he just pointed this way. And I was like GOOD! So ha. But later on before we left I ran into Nick (who I went to formal with) and he like gave me a hug and wouldn’t let go and it was awkward and he just kept holding me and I was trying to back away and in the corner of my eye I saw Evan watching me. Like Nick was saying why don’t you ever talk to me anymore? I said because you don’t talk to me! And then he was like what if I asked you to hang out sometime and I said we will see. And that was that. I think Evan thinks that I am planning something with Nick because he was all over me but it’s funny that I wasn’t and then he left immediately after that. Like he’s so dumb. Like if he tried maybe maybe it would work for him instead of just staring. Boys are dumb. I will be a scientists when it comes to guys after my college years I swear. Ok that’s all for now…oh Evan’s birthday is today and I wished him happy birthday and all and he said thanks Anna and I said sure thing. And he’s planning on going to the bar tonight and I already promised Jennifer I would go a long time ago because Tuesdays they do karokee night and so yeah. This should be interesting.


Newwwww Guuuuyyy

His name is Ethan and he is super country and like he lives in Cullman and works at a company he owns instead of going to college. So yeah it’s that whole distance thing and I don’t know how I feel about that honestly because I feel like I have been there and done that and have written the book but I don’t know it’s good to just try right? And he like will say goodnight to me and like last night it was “goodnight sweet girl I will text you tomorrow” and sure enough he text me! Like it is crazy but I haven’t received a goodnight text in ages. Seriously I’m not kidding. See other post about the bar.


Sunday/Monday Night

So I’ve been on my BEST behavior. I haven’t text him first unless if I need something and I would be emotionally almost detatched if he text me. He has text me Sunday after the party and part Monday and then Wednesday and ever since. So since last week I have pretty much gotten the first text from him. So good right?? I guess. It’s just kinda stuck. I have no idea how else to explain it other than stuck. And like Sunday night…although really Monday morning at 1:30 he text me and says that I confuse him a lot. I said I could say the same thing. And just like that we are absorbed into another conversation. He wants me to come over and I was super hesitant and he used the whole “you won’t do it so I don’t know why I’m even bothering” attitude which is like my go-to to actually do the opposite of what I should. So long story short I sneak out of my room (yes I didn’t want Caroline knowing that night although I already told her) around 2:30 and went over to the Bass Fishing House where he lives and hung out with him. At first we just watched tv and laid in bed and talked and then that cute thing that kinda happens in almost every movie where they just go for it and kiss you—well that happened and it was the best. Things were getting better and he wanted sex and it was like second nature to say no. It’s like seriously dude? Anyways he has this weird thing about wanting to shower all of the time which I guess is a good thing but honestly how many showers can you take in one day without running your water bill sky high? So he was like dang I want to take a shower and so I was like you can go if you want or I’ll just leave completely. He says no and he’ll chill with me for a while which you would think would be nice but seriously it wasn’t cuddling or anything. Like literally he was laying on one side of the bed and I was on the other. So after a little while I was tired of it all so I got up and told him he could shower that I was leaving so he walked me out and gave me a hug…not a kiss and a hug just a hug and I left. It was like damn that’s all I get? That’s all that you feel? Anyways later that night he text me but disappeared for a while but he was hanging out with one of his good guy friends before he leaves for Korea so it was totally fine. And then he text me for a little. Now today I text him asking how he was doing and he said good and asked about me and I responding and said I’m fine just wanted to check how you were doing after last night with your friend and he said thanks and I said sure thing and that’s it for today. But then I know he has a wedding that he’s going to but still….like it’s not that hard to show that you care and he’s just straight up not trying.

Where oh where is the perfect guy to just date? Not talking marriage. Not talking forever. Not talking babies. Not talking getting a house. Just the guys that you’re supposed to be able to experience while in college. Where are they? I don’t want to continually get fucked over by the ones who could barely give two shits. I want a nice guy who wants to date. Is that too dang hard to ask of? But the positive of this all is I’m getting more and more independent as this whole fiasco is going on. Like I’m like further away from my phone and everything. It’s just dumb. I’m confused. I’m managing to confuse myself. Joy. Yup so that was my Sunday night/Monday morning with the walk of shame at 4 a.m. :(


How to Get a Girl

So Dawson and Evan and Evan’s friend Tom asked me how do you get a girl last week Monday so I said….

1. Kiss her when you mean it. If you are just doing it to do it you are in the wrong.

2. Text her in the morning and at night. It’s the least you can do.

3. Do not hookup with her.

4. Sex shouldn’t happen until you start dating.

5. Do not use the girl.

6. You should be able to show that you like the girl in person.

I said dating is actually really easy…if you choose the wrong girl you choose to make it hard. By thinking too much you make it bad. Make it simple on both of you. Like someone who is easy to talk to and therefore it will make dating easy.

Love doctor in the house! Ha not. I can’t even figure out my love life. But I think I what I told them were pretty good ways to get a girl. So at least it will help them.


My night

So last night the Bass Fishing Team had a Halloween party and all of us girls got ready and put together our outfits and all and were told to come around 9 pm. Well 9 pm rolls around and we are told that no one is there and it’s basically a sausage fest. Yuck. So we just chill for a while longer and then head over….we find out that not everyone is dressed up. Great. So we are all decked out and we look ridiculous. So we go in anyways and take Jell-O shots and dance and my friends have already been drinking before we left so they were already feeling it. We go and start dancing and my friend literally knocks over their flat screen tv and is just becoming sloppy. So I take her to the bathroom to put her back together again and get her to chill out. We go to the bathroom and I hide her drink and she’s knocking down the towel rack and everything. I am getting frustrated and all because she’s acting dumb and it’s becoming more of a babysitting situation than anything else.

I take her to Dawson’s room so she can chill out in there and just lay down but before I know it she’s throwing up on the carpet and on the floor….now understand this is MAYBE AND I DO MEAN MAYBE a hour or a hour and a half into the party. I sit her up and let her puke in the trashcan and hold up her hair and move her scarf so it’s not all gross. Everyone tries to come in to see what’s going on and I tell them to get out except me, Jennifer, Dawson, and his new fling Caroline (not my roommate but another one). And then Evan walks in and asks if we need anything and I said another rag that is wet because she’s hot. And my friend at this point is barfing and can’t hold her head or body up and is slurring words. Evan comes back and gets the rag and holds it behind her neck. So he’s sitting up on the bed holding her neck rag and I’m beside her wearing my costume (black leggings, nude heels, black tank top) and I know my boobs are hanging out not on purpose but because I’m like bent over and trying to hold my friend up. So lucky him.

Anyways we decide enough is enough and to bring her back to the dorm…but by this time I kicked off my heels and got my keys and mane card so that we could get in the dorm and so Dawson and Evan had to carry her up stairs and into the car. We finally get to the dorm and they set her on the floor with a pillow and I get tissues and water and lay down next to her. And meanwhile Dawson and Evan are cracking jokes about damn Anna you look hot tonight and Evan’s saying something like yeah let me just stand here and look at you for a while. And before they leave Evan is like well am I going to get a kiss and I’m like sorry bout it but I don’t kiss the guy first. And so he is talking about how hot or whatever I look and then kisses me on the forehead and leaves then not 20 seconds later he comes back and is like but seriously Anna you look really good tonight. I said thanks and to tell the girls to please bring my purse back with them when they come home and he left.

I change and get settled realizing it’s only 11:48 at night and that I’m not returning to the party and so I might as well bust out my laptop and just try to entertain myself because all of the girls are still at the party. So maybe 10 minutes goes by and he come back changed (he got some of the throw up on him) and brought my purse. All I could think at the moment was awwwwwwww. Anyways he gives it to me and I said thanks and that he didn’t need to bring it and he sits and he says he’ll stay and chill with me for a while.

So we just talk and everything and he jokes again about how I haven’t kissed him and I’m like seriously dude I already told you…I don’t kiss the guy first. And he does what he did a couple of weeks ago where our lips touch but we don’t actually kiss and then I giggle because it’s like we are never going to get out of this stage and then he just kisses me. And we kiss for a while and makeout and then my friend throws up and I’m wiping her face and he says you know you’re going to be a good bass fishing mom and I laugh and say well I’m headed that way eventually…to be a mom.

Then more making out and talking. And then he is a girl and complains about his butt hurting and then lays on the bed and then I decide not to because I don’t want this to be a one night thing and be desperate. So I take off my nail polish and then when I finish he is like are you going to come up here? And then I give in and go up and lay by him and then we kiss and then makeout more. He even got a phone call from his best friend and ignored it and said he’ll stay longer even though his friends came up from Tuscaloosa. Then dry humping with him on top then me. And then we thought the girls were back and so we put ourselves together again and don’t look suspicious and he looks at the time and figures he should finally go. And so we get down from the bed and then before he leaves he kisses me again and checks if I need anything and of course I say no and then he kisses me and leaves.

So what now? I don’t know. Like I text him this morning saying thank you for taking care of Celia and driving and bringing my purse to me and he said you’re welcome and glad you got your phone back. And I said me too and he said how’s Celia and I told him and he said that’s good and all….so that’s the last I heard from him which it’s Sunday and he usually goes home and all so it doesn’t surprise me that he isn’t responding but still….it’s like you opened up a whole new part to our uh “thing” that we have going on and at least have the balls to do something about it. So I honestly don’t know what to expect. I don’t want to have my hopes up too high and have them crash and burn but I also don’t want to expect nothing and feel like it was a hookup or whatever else you want to call it….merp. Good but bad but good night. :(


Here we go….my must do’s starting December 7, 2013.

Ok when I FINALLY turn 20 and get out of the teens I plan on being more fun but also more mature. I might as well live life to the fullest right? So here’s a website of 20 things to do that I received from my best friend and I think they are all pretty much reasonable to do except a few….here they are…

1. Backpack without plans–all you need is a flight there and a flight back with a few months in between. One day you’ll be too old or surly or rich or fussy to sleep in dorms of 24 people, or on a roof in Greece, or a street in Paris. Do it in your 20s so you can remember it as the most romantic thing that ever happened to you.

2. Love as recklessly as you can. Let yourself have that relationship that suffocates you with emotion every day, where the highs are inexplicably stratospheric and the lows are explosions and screams and hot tears. Go there with someone, be your best, most joyful and your worst, most vindictive self with them–love wildly, because one day you’ll be too weary or too rational for that.

3. Give your credit card a workout because you don’t have kids or a mortgage. Eat cans of beans for dinner but do it in the gorgeous dress you bought and your best high heels because you’ll never be this young or this stupid again, so you might as well have the decadent things that make you happy, guilt free.

4. Go a week without showering–whether you’re on deadline or studying for finals, just be a gross filth pot when you don’t have to go out into the world. You will get to know yourself in ways you never imagined. Find comfort in knowing that without showers, everyone is the same.

5. Be as glamorous as possible. Put aside your insecurities because whatever you think about yourself is objectively wrong. You are young and hot and full of energy so doll yourself up like you’re about to walk the red carpet and indulge in compliments.

6. Have at least one night where you cry ridiculously and listen to Adele while drinking wine and chain smoking. Once you have a family or a career or a spouse you will not have the time or the space to be this disgustingly self indulgent.

7. Get all your friends together in a group and go somewhere. Take a flight to Mexico or a drive upstate. Soon you’ll all be so busy you’ll be lucky if two of you can even be in the same place at the same time. Enjoy this time when your lives are defined by freedom and time.

8. Write about your feelings, which right now, are big and important. In 10, 15, 20 years, you’ll be able to go back and chuckle over your confessions, the same way you do now over your high school journal. Indulge yourself in your moment, without shame or fear.

9. Stay up until 10am on a rooftop with some friends and watch the sun come up over Manhattan, or wherever it is you live. Up that high, as the world comes awake, you will see how infinite the world is, and how detached from it you can be. As you get older, the more reluctant you’ll be to stay up past midnight, so sleep when you’re old.

10. Do some drugs. Nothing hard like heroin or ice, but do some mushrooms or take some ecstasy in a room full of people you love. Hold hands and stroke each others hair, and tell one another how wonderful you are. Drugs are pretty stupid, so try them out while they still have some mystique.

11. Eat whatever you want. Don’t be a greedy pig, but if you want some McDonald’s, eat some McDonald’s. Take advantage of your metabolism while you still have it, and don’t let hang-ups about food get in your way of devouring a huge cheese platter or an entire block of chocolate. Life was meant to be eaten.

12. Go on a long ass drive alone. Play all your favorite songs and coast with one hand out the window as you rip past the epic scenery. Have no where to go, and relish in just being and moving. Doing things with no end goal is about as free as you can get.

13. Say yes to everything. If someone you just met invites you to a party, or to a reading or a picnic–say yes. Meet as many people as you can. Turn up to places where you don’t know anyone and be a butterfly. Socializing becomes harder as you get older and people become more set in their ways and lives. Use this opportunity to broaden your perspective with the perspective of others.

14. Sleep with a stranger. Be safe, obviously, but sleep with someone you just met. Spend the night bantering in a bar, staring into each other’s eyes, and then go home and rock their socks. Let go of all your sexual inhibitions because you’ll never see this person again and just enjoy the primary act of fucking, the way you’ve always wanted to fuck.

15. Do something you love, even if you are terrible at it. Even if you can’t sing, go to karaoke. If you’re terrible at art, make a painting. If you love doing it, do it. Don’t worry about the judgement of other people–make yourself happy doing the thing that makes you happy.

16. Volunteer. No matter how important or busy you think your life is right now, it’s not. You are insignificant and time rich. Do something good for the world that raised you, and enrich yourself by learning about the people around us that need help. Not everything in your 20s is about self indulgence (although most is); take this chance, while time is on your side, to give something back.

17. Do the thing you’re most terrified of. Jump out of a plane or go scuba diving. Terrify yourself and surprise yourself with your mettle. One day you will have held onto a fear for so long it might be impossible to overcome it, so stare down the barrel of the gun now, while you’re still bold and reckless.

18. Work towards something. Even if it’s not the thing you’ll end up doing the rest of your life, work towards something you’re proud of. This may be the only time in your life when you’re able to work on a hangover too, so there are no excuses for slacking off. Work hard, put your energy into something and when it’s done, point to it and say “I did that, that’s mine.”

19. Experiment. With jobs, sex, clothes, your personality–experiment as much as you can to find the things you like and the person you want to be. Now is the time to shape yourself, to cultivate your interests and set the foundation for the kind of life you’d like to live. If you try something on and don’t like it, just throw it out and start again–it’s that easy for you right now.

20. Be alone. Be so alone you start talking to yourself. Stay in on Saturday night but have the best time with yourself. Do whatever you want with your you time alone, but have it. Someday you will not be able to escape from the responsibilities you have to other people. Now is the time to be truly, spectacularly, comfortably alone.

So until I finally turn 20 I am just thinking damn I am going to be living one hell of a life in my twenties. :) Can’t wait.


Seriously?!?!?

Ok so on twitter I posted “You look cute when you’re mad? Wtf does that mean? I’ll show you freaking adorable!” and then the guy that I kinda like text me saying, “Hahahaha cute tweet” and I responded “Ha thanks” and then he said “What made you randomly tweet about me ha” and then I responded “girlcode” because I didn’t want to respond “what makes you think it was about you?!?!?!” But seriously like he is basically fully aware that I was talking about him and that he said that to me. Like basically he’s admitting that he thinks I’m cute when I’m mad. Like you asked me not too long ago what I want from you and I said nothing and here you are going and shit I feel like I should be asking the same to him! Grrrr I could literally kill him. Like I could drive over to their house and just slap him in the face and feel totally better. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr can Mr. Perfect just pop in my life and stay instead of playing all of these mind games? Blah. Welcome to my life y’all.


A Year Ago…

I do believe that every so often we must reflect on where we are going, where we have been, and where we plan on going. So this time last year I was shopping. No big surprise right? Wrong. I was shopping because I was going to fly up with my boyfriend’s dad to see him. I was so excited. I bought two new tops and took forever planning which one to wear which day and so on. I was beyond thrilled that I was going to see him because I haven’t seen him since August before he left. So it was a big deal. The only thing I missed out on was Homecoming game and various celebrations at UNA.

So now here I am at this time with several books spread out on the library table and not contemplating seeing anyone. Because I indeed have no one. I went to a party last night and drank but the thing is that I went to drink and have a good time with the girls which I most certainly did. But then there’s him. He, the best friend of the guy that was my best friend and who unexpectantly hooked up with Valentine’s Day. In other words he is basically planning on doing absolutely nothing with me. I am nothing to him.

Ok….so all of us girls were just chillin and hanging out and dancing and laughing and having a good time when he like came up behind me and just started talking. Like his head was near my shoulder and was just talking. So I was responding being careful and not saying too much because I didn’t want to seem too excited or readily available to him. He finished saying what he was saying to me and we were all dancing and I thought that he was going to start dancing with me until did a total pussy stats move and just walked off. Like seriously? Just ask me to dance. And then later on in the night we kinda had a hump train of just the girls dancing and I happen to be on the end and so he came up from behind me and started dancing. Like not only that but when he passes me he will intentionally grave my butt and just keeps walking acting as if nothing happened.

Why am I telling this? Because I didn’t think I would be literally chasing my boyfriend (flying to see him) one year and then the next year clueless in my love life even though I know that it could take off if some guy grew a pair and admitted that he has a thing for me. Like shoot I don’t know if we will make it but I guess I am just that crazy girl who would fight to try even though I’m not sure of it. It’s funny how I came from thinking I was in the best relationship ever to literally feeling like crum.

Like I guess I was thinking that I wouldn’t be struggling this badly but then again you never know what will be thrown at you. I just wonder why it is so hard for people to admit that they like me or if they don’t then shoot just say it. It is definitely NOT that hard to say. I mean I guess I don’t understand how you can be all flirty and say “cutie” or “pretty” or “hot” or “fine” or whatever to me and dance with me and touch my legs and stomach but then you are always like oh well you and Dawson had a thing so I can’t do anything with you. Like not to toot my own horn but I think we would be cute and if it ever happened it would be A. when we are drunk B. after a long time of Dawson and his new girlfriend Ashton are dating or C. never. Just waiting to figure out which one it will be. Trying not to wait out of him but its like I am on accident because he seems like perfect. He is cute, funny, smart, sweet, easy-going, athletic and somewhat grounded on his faith. But it’s like pulling teeth for him to be able to A. see that in me and B. for him to understand that what happened between me and Dawson is WAY over and C. for him to realize that Dawson would not care if we ended up together because guess what? I ALREADY ASKED!

Ok that’s just my venting session. From having something I thought was wonderful to having literally nothing now. I get MAYBE and I do mean MAYBE ten texts not including my responses. So cheers to one year….and lets pray that something comes along.


"Was it awkward?"

Ok so the previous guys that I have talked to or dated or whatever we were are appearing everywhere. Like after my class today I found one and decided hell with it—I’ll put on my big girl panties and say hi because lord knows he may or may not do it. So I did and he said hi back…granted I also avoided any form of conversation by wearing my headphones and listening to my music loud but it did the trick. Next, while eating lunch with the girls the guy that I have most recently been crushin’ on appeared out of the thin air and he sat next to me which forced conversation. At first I was thinking please Anna please keep it together. Like just talk. This is normal. That’s all that I could continually tell myself. Like he was talking to everyone but when we would have to look at each other there was that space between us like it was closer than friends so I would kinda casually pull away so it wouldn’t look like much other than friends. So was it awkward with Nick (the first guy)? Yes for the whole 30 seconds. But I felt like I did the right thing in saying hi to him. Was it awkward with Evan (the next guy)? Sorta. Like it was at first and when we looked at each other definitely but I feel like I played it off really well. I mean I think he already has another girl down because he was texting when he was talking with us. So I don’t know. I just feel kinda heavy-hearted right now. Like there aren’t any fish biting. I’ll definitely explain more later. But in essence I think it was good of me to be the bigger person and say hi and be normal and talk but at the same time I was almost disappointed—like why can’t guys take the first move? Am I asking too much? But anyways for now I just wanted to share how I was nice but not TOO nice when it came to exs or to people that are something because then you’ll understand my whole guy drama later. :)